Star Gate Episode IV
by KateCarter
Summary: What happens when a former First Prime goes into a video store and asks for something about a false god who enslaves populations? He gets "Star Wars"...


Star Gate, Episode IV: A New Word

By Kate O'Riley

Disclaimer: Stargate and related characters belong to MGM…I think…is that right? Star Wars and related characters belong to Lucasfilm…not a thing belongs to me 'cept my brain…not even any money…so don't sue.

A/N: OK…something of an "Ascension" spoiler. Anyway, I just loved the part…

O'Neill: We brought pizza and a movie.

Teal'c: "Star Wars".

O'Neill: He's seen it, what, eight times?

Teal'c: Nine times

So, that set my little brain a-thinkin'…why would Teal'c see "Star Wars"? Who introduced him to it? Normally, I would guess Jack, but Jack said he'd never seen it. Carter doesn't seem like she's likely to watch it with him…and, well, Daniel and "Star Wars"? That just doesn't sound quite right…maybe it does to you, but oh well. Anyway, this story was born.

Season: Mid-second. Before Carter's promotion, anyway.

"Captain Carter."

"Teal'c," Carter said, greeting her teammate, who was striding up behind her. "What's up?"

"I have a question about a Tau'ri custom," he said. His face was as impassive as usual.

"Shoot."

"I do not see why you would wish me to injure you."

"Ummm…sorry, Teal'c. It's an expression. It means go ahead."

"Your race has an interesting language."

"I guess so. Now, what did you want to ask me?" Sam asked.

"What is the meaning of the word 'movie'?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Movie? It means 'moving picture'. It's a form of entertainment. Why?"

"I have heard several people refer to 'going to the movies', 'watching a movie', having seen a movie. It was a curious term."

"Would you like to see one, Teal'c?" Sam asked. "There are places where you can rent a movie."

"'Rent'?"

"It means, you pay a couple dollars and you can borrow the movie for a certain amount of time. A few days, usually."

"Ah. I believe General Hammond has mentioned that I am being given these 'dollars'. They are your form of money, are they not?"

"Right. You're getting paid, just the same as the rest of us."

"I have no need of this money, however."

"Doesn't matter. You still get paid. You can use it to buy things you might want."

Teal'c looked at her. "How do I access these 'dollars' so that I may go borrow a movie?"

Sam smiled. "I'll loan you a couple bucks. I'll give you a ride to a video store too, how about that?"

"That would be…acceptable."

"All right, Teal'c. You just look around, find a movie that looks interesting, go to the counter, give the people the money and the movie, and they'll hand you change and the extra money. I'm going to find a movie for myself. It shouldn't take long."

"Understood, Captain Carter."

"And Teal'c…try not to scare people."

Teal'c frowned. He did not understand why many Tau'ri seemed to be easily frightened. The majority of those at the SGC were formidable warriors; occasionally, though, especially on the few occasions he'd ventured out of Cheyenne Mountain, he had managed to intimidate people without meaning to. He tugged the baseball cap he was wearing down a little farther and headed inside.

He stood inside the entrance to the store. After a moment, a small Tau'ri female, who did not even come to the middle of his chest, approached him warily. He tried to relax and subtly let her know he was not a threat.

"Um, can I help you find something, sir?" she asked nervously.

Teal'c thought for a moment. "Do you have any of these 'movies' about a system lord intending to enslave a planetary population by pretending he is a god?"

The girl gawked at him. "Uhh…um…nooooo…but we do have 'Star Wars'."

Teal'c was intrigued. "Show me," he commanded. He noticed the girl trembling. He attempted a smile, but this seemed to scare her even more. She led him to one of the many racks and pointed to a movie.

"What is it about?" Teal'c asked curiously.

"Well, uh…it's about this guy named Luke Skywalker who joins the Rebels and blows up the Death Star. And he tries to defeat Darth Vader."

"Is this 'Darth Vader' a false god attempting to enslave a planetary population?" Teal'c asked.

"Uh, no, but he's pretty bad. And he has some weird powers that he uses to kill people."

Teal'c considered this. "It will suffice." Remembering Carter's instructions, he picked up the movie and followed the Tau'ri to the counter. He handed her a small piece of paper, that Carter had told him was a five-dollar bill. He waited patiently while the Tau'ri counted out some more paper slips and handed them to him along with the movie.

He left the store and found Captain Carter's car. She was already there, waiting for him. "Did you find a movie?" she asked him.

"Yes, I was successful in my search."

"Good. I'll take you back to the mountain and help you put it on."

After they arrived at the mountain, Captain Carter quickly secured a set of their electronic entertainment devices. She explained the movie-playing device to be called a VCR. She showed him how to work it, secured a bag of what she called "popcorn" – apparently it was a traditional food for the Tau'ri to eat while watching movies – and left, smiling and saying she hoped he had fun.

He pushed the proper buttons that Carter had showed him and slid the movie into the proper slot. He then opened the bag of popcorn and hesitantly picked up a few pieces. He chewed them slowly. This "popcorn" was an interesting substance. It was greasy, salty, and pieces of it were getting stuck between his teeth. Why did the Tau'ri eat this?

Eventually, words appeared on the screen. In blue letters, by themselves, were the words "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…" Suddenly, music boomed, slightly startling Teal'c. He adjusted the volume as Captain Carter had showed him.

The movie was very interesting, Teal'c had to admit, and by the time the Death Star had been blown up, the Rebels had managed to escape from Darth Vader, and Luke Skywalker and Han Solo were being awarded by Princess Leia, he was sorry it was over.

Leaving the room, he encountered a technician in the corridor outside. "Tell me," he said, stopping the man. "Are there more of these 'movies'?" he said, holding up the box.

The technician squinted to see what he was holding. "'Star Wars'? Yeah, there's two more after that and I think they're making more prequels."

Teal'c gave a smile that sent the technician scampering away, fearing he'd given the wrong answer. "These movies may be very…enjoyable."

The End

A/N: Standard procedure, people! Read and review! To quote someone else I saw, "Flames will be used to power Teal'c staff weapon." This was a bit of fun, brought to you by the one, the only, Kate O'Riley!


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